Never have I met anyone who so relished his status as a fat guy with a tiny dick. These were two of your favorite things to point out about yourself, and somehow they never quite lost their humorous quality. Except you weren't particularly fat at all, which leads me to think that you may well have been packing an anaconda in those not-fat-guy pants. But it was a running joke, so run it did.
It was the first year of college for you and I and most everybody else that we ran with. But you had gotten a lot of your drinking and assorted other substance use out of the way in your younger years. Not that you didn't get hammered occasionally, but more often than not, you were the guy that came along to provide entertainment for we foolish freshman fucked-up types. Lucky for us, you were one entertaining fat guy.
As likable as you were, you managed to piss your friends off time and again by being the smartest fuck-up that any of us knew. We all knew you were carrying a brilliant mind up in that head of yours, but you couldn't quite seem to pull it out when it came to school. You must have finally fallen into your groove because last I heard you were headed off to grad school. Good for you, you fat fuck.