Sunday, February 25, 2007

Report to the Commander

We had a little security breach here in the Holmes household this weekend. I suppose I could just tell you what happened, but to be perfectly honest, I'm pretty shaken up about it. With that in mind, I feel that it would be easier for me to talk about it and that you would more fully understand the complexities of this disturbing event if I re-imagined the whole thing as if it took place on the Battlestar Galactica. And I mean the new one with Edward James Olmos, not the goofy-ass old one. This promises to be dorky, but trust me when I say it's necessary. So without further ado:

<span class= Commander, a word please?
<span class= Yes Holmes, what is it?
<span class= Sir, I'm sorry to report that there's been a serious security breach aboard the Galactica.
<span class= I see. What happened?
<span class= Well sir, it appears that a prisoner has escaped.
<span class=Dear Gods, which one?
<span class=My dog, sir.
<span class= Your dog, Holmes?
<span class= Yes sir.
<span class=I see. And how did he escape?
<span class= Well sir, it would appear that he was released by an outside agent.
<span class=You mean he was let out?
<span class=Yes sir. Someone let my dog out of his kennel.
<span class=I see. So who was it?
<span class=Who sir?
<span class=Yes, who let the dog out?
<span class=Who let the dog out sir?
<span class=That's what I said, who let the dog out?
<span class=Of course sir. Well it was my son, sir.
<span class=Your son? But why?
<span class=They're close, sir. Best friends, you might say.
<span class=Are they in collusion with the Cylons?
<span class=What? No! Of course not. It's a baby and a stupid dog.
<span class=I see. And how was this escape executed?
<span class=Nothing fancy sir. The baby just crawled right up, opened the dog's kennel, and let him out.
<span class=That's pretty cute.
<span class=Sir?
<span class=I mean, uh, so you saw this happen?
<span class=My wife and I both did, sir.
<span class=How's your wife holding up?
<span class=What?
<span class=She's fine sir.
<span class=I'm frakkin' great!
<span class= Good. Any idea where the dog or the baby are now?
<span class= Aroo?
<span class= Turning yourself in eh? Wise move. And your accomplice?
<span class= Ya got nothin' old man!
<span class= Holmes, why are you wasting my time with this?
<span class= I'm sure that's the question on everyone's mind, sir.
<span class= No shit!

1 comment:

Whit said...

Nice. How long did that take you?

I liked the old Battlestar!