Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Higher! Higher I say!

The skyrocketing prices that are currently being charged for gasoline just tickle me pink to no end. "But Holmes, I didn't know you were an oil baron." No no silly reader, this is not the blog of J.R. Ewing. It just pleases me to know that the people who clog the roads with their ridiculous gas guzzlers are paying more and more of their precious cash to keep their beasts running every day. And believe me, I'm surrounded by them. I may live in the cool city of Austin, but this cool city is smack in the middle of Texas, and as great as my home state may be in some ways, it's real hard not to notice that the majority of its citizenry leans just a tad to the red red right. Thus, when I am on the road in my fuel efficient little Honda, I am surrounded by enormous SUV's which, by the way, typically contain just a single occupant. That's including the driver. And let us not forget the monstrous pick-up trucks you see at every corner, shiny and pristine, not a speck of dirt on them, doomed never to haul anything heavier than their owner's fragile egoes. If you drive one of these vehicles and you are crying about the amount of cash you are funneling into your tank every week, I laugh at you. Fuck you. I hope the prices jump even higher. I foresee you all going insane trying to balance your finances against your ever-increasing gasoline costs and taking a bat to your own windshields in a fit of rage. Owning such a stupid vehicle is selfish for multiple reasons:

  • You're hogging space everywhere you go, both on the road and in the parking lot. And I'm willing to bet that 90% of you don't need all that passenger room.
  • You're hogging resources. You're paying the bucks for them, but that doesn't change the fact that you're hogging them.
  • The amount of damage that a vehicle of that size will do if it runs into a normal size vehicle is significant. If your answer to this is that everybody should have large vehicles, then you should promptly eat a bullet.

So enjoy your big stupid vehicles, idiots.

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