Fuck this shitty-ass restaurant experience we just had

I don't promise this will be coherent or readable.

So the Ash and the Baby Henry and I all went down to this semi-hoity-toity-ish kinda restaurant for the Ash's niece's birthday dinner with the family. You know the type of place I mean -- the decor is trendy, the lighting is track, the portions are tiny, the prices are high, even the busboys are snobby, etc. I always feel like I've been suckered when I go to a place like that, particularly at the moment when they bring the food out and there's more plate visible than food, and you think to yourself, I'm paying how much for that?!?! The waiter might as well cackle in your ear.

The shit part of the evening wasn't really the fault of the restaurant though. See, by the time the meal was all said and done, it was past Henry's bedtime. This isn't a huge deal most of the time, but it does mean that he's going to be more prone to crying, which he did a bit. And at one point, he let loose a blast that, I'll grant you, could be harnessed for military usage. And some old sad pathetic wrinkled fuck at another table had the motherfucking nerve to mock my kid. I'm getting pissed just thinking about this again. He like, made fun of Henry's crying in a mean way, as if to communicate something to the effect of "Hey you people with the kid, you're interrupting my sad old bastard dinner that I'd like to finish eating before I die alone and hated by everyone who's ever had the misfortune to know me." Fucking asshole.

I, of course, said nothing to the man. I didn't actually hear his baby-mocking because Henry was screaming in my ear at the moment. I only heard about it from Ash's family after dinner was over, so I basically sat there fuming while we waited for the check and Ash's sisters talked about guys and fake tits and all the same shit they always talk about. I managed to walk out of the place without saying anything to the motherfucker. Perhaps I'm a wuss, I'll be the first to admit that I don't like confrontation. Or maybe I just was able to convince myself that it wouldn't have solved anything. If you want to eat at a restaurant without being in danger of maybe hearing a baby cry, then I suggest that you call the fucking restaurant ahead of time and ask if they have high chairs. This particular place, as trendy as it is, seemed to have enough high chairs to seat a baby at every table in the place. If you don't want to be reminded that all people were once little, then don't go to places like that. Go somewhere the fuck else. Or eat at home where nobody has to look at you.

Okay, maybe I'm better now. Hey, at least we didn't get kicked out of the restaurant. Or off a plane.