Tuesday, March 15, 2005


Today I saw my child's heart beat in black and white and I just about floated through the roof. I would have had pictures to put in here, but the scanner I was planning on using decided to suck. I was relieved, like free-clinic-test-results-came-back-negative-use-a-condom-next-time type of relief, except better, when the doctor focused in and I could see its little heart beating away. The heart is outside of its body at this stage of development, which strikes me as having some sort of profound cosmic metaphorical significance, except I can't think what it might be.

I only recently came in contact with my own father for the first time since I was about two years old. Unfortunately, it was at his funeral. I never knew the man and he only knew me for a short time. We'd been living only a short drive from each other for a number of years but never knew it. I didn't anyway. I can't say that I have totally forgiven him for never being around, for playing no greater role in my life than that of sperm donor. I find the timing of all these events interesting to say the least. I don't put much stock in all that, "God caused this special miracle to happen to you at just the right time" jibber-jabber...maybe because I heard too much of it in Baptist school as a lad. All the same, it's an undeniable fact that the universe has an interesting sense of timing.

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