Friday, November 19, 2010

A Spot Of Encouragement

We recently moved our bookcases from upstairs down to the office where we situated them on the wall behind my desk. The day after making this move, I was sitting at my desk, diligently working away on one masterpiece or another when I heard the call of nature. I swiveled around in my chair to stand and was met with quite a start. You see, I had grown used to meeting a blank wall when I turned, but instead, I came face to face with this:


That black and white face looming over those poor frightened paperbacks is Neil Gaiman, one of my favorite authors and famous English people, seen here peering out at the world from the back cover of his wonderful novel, American Gods. Well, that particular copy is mine because I paid for it, but he wrote it, so I guess it's really more his. That serious expression he's wearing caught me rather off-guard.

"Oh," I laughed, "hi Neil." And then he really surprised me.


Er? This is not the kind of interaction I'm used to having with a book, I thought.


"Oh!" I said. "Uh, I was just, uh, going to the bathroom."


"Yeah," I said. "Is that okay?"


"Well no, but I--"


"Okay, I get it. You've written a lot of books. I just need to pee, okay?"


"I just need to pee, Neil. I've been sitting here for over an hour."


"Oh that's enough out of you."

I got up and went to the bathroom, grumbling under my breath the whole time. I checked my email on my phone where he couldn't see me, got a cup of coffee, and looked in on the boys. When I sat back down at my desk, I had every intention of ignoring him, but I could feel those unblinking two-dimensional eyeballs of his looking at me. At least it's not Stephen King. 

Unable to concentrate, I turned back to Neil.


"I do, actually. Thanks for asking."


And so I did.

9 comments:

sybil law said...

What a critical dick. Douglas Adams would NEVER be that way.

Didactic Pirate said...

I don't want to call Gaiman a fraud, but that dude's English accent sounds fake.

I like this post for several reasons, but one is that I identify nine books on your shelf that are also on mine, which I'm looking at right now.

None of them are talking to me yet, though.

The Husband & Father said...

Snooty British asshole. Next time he gives you some guff, offer him a vacation with a homeless person.

Bet he changes his tune real quick.

Cheryl said...

I don't usually opened posts individually. Today I'm so glad I did. Guess what? I read it, laughed, scrolled down, and saw that insanity posted at the end of the page. I'm stealing it. I'll give you credit, but it's going at the end of mine too.

Now go write something worthy ya sloth. (My word veri is "stalin" so I feel kinda powerful right now.)

dbs said...

I can't wait for Stephen King to start talking to you.

dbs said...

Hope you don't have "American Psycho" on your shelves.

Always Home and Uncool said...

I just finished reading this when a cathetersamples4free.com commercial came on TV. I'm officially freaked.

Bubblewench said...

That is freakin awesome!!

Miss Nikki said...

Creepy. Brits have a weird sense of superiority don't they?