Oh, mustache. It's not your fault. It's just that we happen to live in this particular era which was preceded by particular other eras, the fashions and fads of which we now can't help but find to be uproariously funny, just as the people of the future will no doubt find this current era to be so hilarious. I mean, check out Burt Reynolds:
Dude was the man back then, right? The fucking Bandit! And that stache? Well it was all part of the appeal. I mean, who the hell is this?
But you see, my little mustache, we live in a post-Burt-Reynolds-is-the-man world. Sure, he's still great. I got nothing against him. But living in a post-Burt-Reynolds-is-the-man world, a post-Magnum P.I. world, it means that things from those worlds are considered kind of corny. And you, my friend, are one of those things. As the rest of my face has probably noticed, I can't seem to look in the mirror these days without making some goofy-ass cheesedick expression, and I hate to tell you this, but it's because of you. The eyes know it, the nose knows it, the mouth, the brows, everybody. Hell, even my feet are talking about you. Word travels fast around here.
But rest assured, my caterpillarly little friend, just because you're not currently considered to be the height of fashion, it doesn't mean that you're unworthy. In fact, you've got a whole month devoted to you: Movember. And you're doing a lot of good, too. Because throughout Movember, you and others like you are prompting people to donate some of their hard-earned dollars to help fight the dirty evil cancer. Tell that to the eyeballs next time they snicker at you.
Also, my wonderful friend Erin not only donated some cashola to the cause, she also sent me this mustache-themed video. It did give me some LOLs. Have a sense of humor about yourself, stache. It's going to be okay.