Saturday, May 12, 2007

And who am I speaking with?

As a rule, I typically don't write negative posts about people I know because you just never know who's reading, but fuckin' A people, sometimes ya gotta vent, and sometimes ya don't care who's reading. Hell, I might be doing somebody a favor.

Have you ever encountered someone with a really annoying habit that bears a damn close resemblance to a particularly annoying habit of your own, a habit that you're perfectly aware of, but never realized just how very irritating it was until you experienced the horror of being around this other person whilst they engaged in it? And in the midst of the agony of watching, listening, experiencing this person engage in their god-awful habit, you thought to yourself, "Surely I'm not this bad. I couldn't be as awful as this fucking clownfish, could I?" But somewhere deep down, you suspected that perhaps you were, and rather than claw your eyes out, you swore a sacred oath to take that habit of yours and break it over your knee like an insolent bat that refuses to send baseballs a-scurryin' for the bleachers, preferring instead to just swipe at the air, one, two, three, you're out.

Ever have that happen?

Me, I can't say that what I've experienced as of late is quite that bad, but it's close. See, I like movies. And plays. And TV. I like a good solid piece of well-written well-executed stagecraft, whatever medium the stage may actually be. And I have a particular fondness for strongly written dialogue. I don't really care if it sounds "the way people talk." I get enough of that every day. And while cleverness is great, too much cleverness, like too much spice, smacks of trying to cover up a lack of substance with something more easily accessible. No, what really grabs me is when bits of dialogue sound good coming out of an actor's mouth, ring with truth so profound it makes me tingle, and illuminate something deeper and bigger than perhaps they ever were intended to.

Which is a long way of saying that particular lines stick with me long after I've heard them uttered. And I have been known to toss out a line here or there in everyday conversation when it seemed appropriate. No big deal, right?

Except now I've sort of had this mirrored for me. I'm taking a deep breath as I prepare to dive into this. See there's this guy I work with who is an actor. I've never actually seen him in anything so I've no idea if he's any good, but he gets cast, so he can't be all that terrible. But the thing is, he has a penchant for slipping into actor mode at any given moment. One minute you're discussing a work-related question, the next, the guy's in fucking character right there in my cube. It's gotten to where I dread talking to him because I'm never quite sure who I'll be talking to. You know, like chatting with a possessed person. He'll say a line, maybe two, hell, he'll do an entire goddamn monologue. And sometimes, oh sweet Saturn's rings, sometimes he slips into an accent. An accent, people! And not a particularly good one. At least I didn't do accents!

*Catches breath*

Oh my god, I feel better. That was amazingly cathartic. So this was like confession and rant all in one, huh?

Dude, if you're reading this, no hard feelings. Hell, take it as a compliment that I'd rather talk to you than any of the characters you've got bouncing around in your head. And to anyone I've ever annoyed by engaging in this beating-worthy behavior, I apologize.


Whit said...

You work with Kevin Costner?

Jason said...

I think quoting lines from movies is perfectly fine and normal. Whole scenes, that's different. Perhaps it's a multiple personality disorder.

Can't be Costner, the guilty coworker gets roles.


Now what character is he in? Is he repeating lines from a film? If so, an accent is fine. But if he's making up his own character.

Oh boy...


Beth said...

I experienced something similar while watching Orlando Bloom on Leno last night. I know he's a famous, well-liked actor, but the guy's show-offy playing up for the camera mode was SO annoying and transparent.

I turned to my husband and we both said at the same time, "Actor."

radioactive girl said...

My husband used to quote lines from movies all the time. Now that we have four kids and never actually SEE any movies, he has stopped. I didn't find it annoying, but the monologue and accents might bug me.