Watch For The Stache Signal

So, Holmes...how's Movember going?

Glad you asked, friend. Tell you the truth, between the new glasses I got a while back and my latest facial hair configuration, I'm feeling a bit Detective Gordon these days.

Thanks to everyone who's tossed some 'stache cash our way. If you'd still like to contribute to the cause, just swing on over and clicky-clicky-typey-typey. Because cancer fucking sucks. 

My Name Isn't, But Could Be, Earl

Now lookie here, y'all. I ain't claimin' to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I know a good cause when I see one. And a bunch of fellows growin' out their mustaches in the name of fightin' cancer? Well now if that don't beat all, then I don't know what. So if you would please, take a few minutes and clicky-click your computer on over to the Movember internet page and drop a few dollars in the jar, why that'd be mighty kind of you.

Thanks y'all!

Keys

I can barely convey to you with words how well these two simple phone-snapped pictures capture the wonderful differences between my two boys. So I'll hush and let the pictures talk.

Do The Ninjitsu

I was looking at a bunch of pictures of my kids from this past Halloween. They both wanted to dress like ninjas, to which my wife and I were like SCORE! because 1) cheap-ass costumes and 2) NINJAS. Everybody wins.

So I was looking at these pictures and it occurred to me that parenting is kind of like being a ninja in that it involves a lot of hard work with very little recognition. Nobody thanks the ninja for pulling off a flawless assassination, no matter that he or she left not a trace of their presence. There are no attaboys for the shadow warrior who successfully infiltrates the enemy compound and defeats scores of attackers. There are no ninja company meetings where the ninja CEO recognizes Bob and Steve for Excellence in Disappearing Into Clouds of Smoke. 

I was gonna write about all that, but then I got distracted thinking about how there’s really not much of a place for ninjas in a democracy, not in an official capacity anyway, but I guess ninjas typically don’t function in an official capacity anyway, but I guess what I mean is that assassination -- covert and otherwise -- isn’t really a key driver of change in our country, which I would call a very good thing, none of which is to say that there are not shadowy figures doing shadowy things in the halls of power and perception, they just don’t typically carry throwing stars on their person...as far as I know. Then I remembered that I hate writing about politics because it’s not as much fun as writing about ninjas. All of which is to say, holy shit, ninjas.

Shadow Warriors

Dear Me, I Seem To Have Misplaced My Beard

No, actually, I washed it down the drain. Much to my wife's chagrin, I'm taking part in Movember again this year. For those of you not familiar, Movember is this thing where a bunch of dudes take November and we run the N out of town and replace it with an M. Kind of like October and Rocktober. Then we continue the party for the rest of the month by growing out our mustaches, and everybody gives us money in hopes that we'll stop it with the mustache action. About three weeks into it, we all sit down to a big-ass turkey dinner. It's called Thanksgiving because we give thanks for our beautiful mustaches that, by that point, are in full glorious bloom. Or maybe because people are thankful that it's almost over. Either way, when December arrives, we give all the money that everybody gave us to groups that fight cancer, but we don't give them the turkey dinner because we already ate that.

In order to do Movember right, you're supposed to start things off with a clean palate, which, for me,  meant parting with my beard. True, my beard is not as epic as that of my friend Bill (pictured below), but I was used to it. I like my beard. And yes, so does my wife.

Bill is a pirate

So in order to do this, I had to go from being this adorable sweetheart...

Wouldn't hurt a fly

To this fucking psychopath:

Obviously hacks people to pieces while humming along to Katy Perry

So yeah, Movember. Mustaches good, cancer bad, GIVE US YOUR MONEY!!!