Sunday, February 14, 2010

There was sickness, now there's candy

I don't mind telling you that the past week has sucked the balls off a Ken doll (the anatomically correct series, of course). Ashley got hit by the pneumonia bus, which had her laid up something good. Her doctor also tossed out the idea that she might have H1N1 as well, which seemed like the most ludicrous combination of diseases that it just had to be true. She's on the mend now, and we're beginning to think that her doc's declaration of pig flu may have been incorrect, or else she had the mildest case ever. While we still thought she had it, she was wearing a mask whenever she was around the boys. Funny thing, they didn't ask all that many questions about it. Whatever, I'm glad it's gone. I'm also glad the house is full of way too much Valentine's candy, all of it hidden away from the boys to be doled out by their righteous benevolent parents.

Like I mentioned last week, I'm trying to write one short play a week. With everything that was going on, I thought about skipping this week, which seemed really lame since it's only week 2. So lame, in fact, that I decided to go ahead and throw a quick little something together. This one was fun.


A bathroom in a house. A toilet. Toilet paper. A bathtub situated next to the toilet, the shower curtain closed.

Marcy sits on the toilet leisurely relieving herself while she flips through a magazine. All is quiet for a moment. Without warning, the shower curtain flies open, propelled by Chad, who is standing in the bathtub with a menacing look. Marcy is not at all startled. She doesn’t even look up. Chad holds his pose, waiting for her to acknowledge him. She does not look at him when she speaks.

I want a divorce.

Chad’s expression falters slightly. Blackout.

Lights rise again on the same bathroom with the same Marcy on the same toilet doing the same thing, except this time she’s looking at stuff on her phone. The shower curtain is once again closed. Chad’s fingers curl around the edge of the curtain, though Marcy doesn’t notice or care. He yanks the curtain open, again with a look that is mostly silly with a dash of threatening tossed in. Again, Marcy is neither impressed nor amused, and does not look at him when she speaks. 

I’m moving out next weekend.

Again, Chad’s expression falters slightly. Blackout.

Lights rise on the bathroom once again. This time, Marcy is typing on her laptop whilst relieving herself. A few moments pass. The shower curtain slowly begins to eek open. But before Chad reveals himself:

I’m keeping the cat.

The shower curtain stops opening. A moment passes. The curtain slowly closes once again. Lights out.

Lights rise once more on our little lavatory, once again with Marcy on the toilet. She has nothing in her hands this time.

The truck is all packed. I’m about to leave.

No response.
Chad? Would you just come out already? I know you’re in there.

No response

God, you never learn, do you?

She yanks the curtain open herself. He’s not in there.

Huh. Maybe you do.

The lid of the toilet tank opens silently behind her as she finishes up. Chad rises out of the tank, the lid held over his head. He has the same goofy/scary expression as before. He is, of course, dripping wet. He stands there, frozen, waiting for her to notice him. Marcy finishes up, turns, and gets the scare of her life when she sees Chad. He howls with laughter.

That was awesome! Okay, you can leave now.



Anonymous said...

Echoing Chad . . . "That was awesome!"

Just not appropriate for dinner theater I suppose . . .

sybil law said...

Marcy seemed like a bitch, anyway.

Oh - and I'm glad your wife is on the mend!!