That's right y'all, 24 karat gold diamond* encrusted sandals, just like the Son of God wore back in the day. Motherfucker walked on water in those things. Maybe you can too!Oh, and I've been meaning to post this one for a while. Remember back in high school when military recruiters seemed to be coming out of the woodwork trying to get you to sign up to do your duty to God and country? Did you think that all ended after you graduated? Well guess again. Check out what I found in my campus mailbox my first semester:
I had no idea that the military's marketing and recruitment budget included an allotment for the chaplaincy corps, but apparently it does. My brain is coming up with all manner of snarky commentary to type here, but I feel like the picture kind of speaks for itself. What do you see? Some pretty flowers.So speaking of seminary......I don't know that I'm going to continue my studies with them. I'm realizing more and more that I simply don't belong there. I've written here before about why I chose to attend there, one of which was to grapple with some of my Big Questions about God, religion, the whole bag. And it seems that in that grappling, a few things have happened.
- It's all started feeling more and more like a house of cards. It seems that the more we delved into topics like the origins of scripture and the beginnings of Christianity, the less divine the whole picture appeared. At every step of the way it seems, there's someone, some group, with an agenda, one which they promote by means of imbuing events and people with divine status, fitting events of their present into prophecies of their past. And it's not like we were studying anti-religious texts, and it's not as if I stepped onto campus thinking that the Bible was the literal word of God, but I didn't quite expect to find out just how much politics went into the creation of the text we now have, even before King James got his royal hands on it.
- I grew tired of it. The whole thing. I'm just sick to death of all the questions, the seeking, the wondering, the quest for meaning, trying to be close to a God that, if he does exist, doesn't really seem to want to be found. I can't live like that. I just want to live my life, be myself, be happy, love my family and friends, write, create, and do the right things because they're the right things to do. I'm tired of putting so much effort into trying to feel IT. Time was I did feel it. I felt something anyway. I don't know if it was a delusion or if it was real but fleeting, but whatever it was, I'm sick of trying to get it back at the expense of the now, the moment. The meaning is right here. I just want to be.
- And ya know, let's face it. I suck at being religious. I can't go to church. I've got a foul mouth, a sick sense of humor, and a taste for beer. Personally, I believe that if there is an all-seeing, all-knowing, all-loving God out there, then he, she, or it loves all this stuff about me. But I'm tired of thinking about it.
Anyway, uh, Happy Easter?
* Yes, I know it says they're crystals and not diamonds, but "diamond encrusted" just sounds better.
6 comments:
Your numbered points pretty much sum up my religious/spiritual wanderings after I grew up in deeply devoted Southern Baptist home. I admire your courage to admit these things in your blog.
Happy Easter in the spring has sprung, stuff is blooming, jelly beans and chocolate bunnies, way.
I was just thinking about this today- probably because my neighbor wished me Happy Easter and her husband snapped that she shouldn't say that because I'm agnostic. So? I hid eggs and the kids got baskets and there was a half-eaten carrot found on the counter.
It is what it is, and I love the fact that only something as crazy and corrupt as organized religion can make the idea of a giant rabbit breaking into your house at night sound even remotely plausible.
I think when we analyze too much of anything, it becomes monotonous and tiring. People who think too much of themselves, searching too deep for some religious epiphany, that chicken and egg question - I mean, you're right - what's the fucking point?
I still have faith, and it runs deep, but I accept it as it is and try to live in the moment in general.
And for what it's worth, I think people like us, who drink and curse and listen to metal and have dirty minds, are needed to prove you can have faith AND still be cool. Or depraved. Or whatever the frick we are! :)
Proof that the most zealous believers are usually those who remain the most ignorant.
I'll communion at the bar for you today, chief.
Oh Holmes! Hittin the nail on the head...
Was wondering when this would all hit you. Took longer then I thought.
Thanks for the update. You know I read you religiously. Amen. BURP..oops sorry, that was the beer.
Welcome to the ranks of the agnostic, where "Is there a God?" and "What's for dinner tonight?" both tend to have the same answer - "I don't know; let's call for pizza."
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