Saturday, June 24, 2006

I've made some decisions

I've decided that the next time somebody presents me with some information and then follows it up by saying that I should or should not take what they have just presented to me as "gospel", my response will be, "Oh, so I should/should not take this information that you've presented to me as if it were a set of documents that each describe slightly different but similar versions of the same event, which were written anywhere from 30 to 90ish years after the events they describe, by authors who were not present at the aforementioned events? You got it."

I've decided that the next time somebody refers to a book or a document or a manual or whatever as a "Bible", my response will be something along the lines of "Oh, so I should take this book or document or manual or whatever here as if it were a compilation of many documents by many different authors that were originally written in ancient languages, but have been translated with varying degrees of competency, accuracy, and objectivity into English, that have compiled into a singular work and chosen for their inclusion in this collection by groups of people who wished to present a particular 'take' on the events described within this book/document/manual/whatever, which are subject to countless different interpretations with varying degrees of literalism and whose meanings have been argued about for centuries? No problem."

And finally, I've decided that the next time I answer the phone and it's a telemarketer, I'm going to go into one of the monologues I had in the last play I was in, which began with the line, "You know the thing that most people don't realize about the human body is that the head is a great place to get hit." I'll have to go back and relearn the rest though.

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