Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Local man buys milk and eggs under the watchful gaze of Hollywood stars

It is impossible to go to the grocery store without being inundated with 2-dimensional representations of the following people:

* Brad Pitt
* Jennifer Aniston
* Angelina Jolie
* Jessica Simpson

The first three are often displayed together, sometimes with jaggedy line marks between their pictures (how symbolic, really) and always with some kind of scandalous large-font headline such as "Jen's Inner Agony!", "Brad Lashes Out!" or "Angelina's Walking Funny!" The latest Jessica Simpson headline is all about how her butt has gone flat as of late, and has before and after pictures to prove it, which are labelled "Curvy" and "Flat." How fabulous.

This is, of course, nothing new. The grocery store newsstand has long been a collage of celebrity and scandal, but it seems that all the mags have been dwelling on these four for an unusually long time now. And frankly, the Holmes grows weary of them. I hereby call on the celebrity magazines of America and abroad, none of which I read but never mind that part, to start focusing on other celebrities. Let's leave these four for now and focus on the private lives, both factual and fictional, of celebrities outside of the above named sex-quad.

Thank you.

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